Abuse, in any form, is like a gradual poison that kills a person’s spirit slowly with each passing day. If you have ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may know that mental abuse may be just as harmful as physical assault. Emotional abuse harms a person’s mental health on multiple levels and leads to terrible experiences. It can be tough to tell whether your partner is emotionally abusive or merely taunting you. So here we are to assist you in understanding emotionally abusive relationships, their signs, and how to walk out before the situation worsens.
What Is Emotional Abuse?
When someone constantly puts you down, threatens you, makes you feel worthless, and makes you think you can’t do anything right, then you just need to understand that it is emotional abuse. In an emotionally abusive relationship, the abuser controls and dominates the other person through manipulation and intimidation leaving the victim used, powerless, and threatened. The victim also loses their identity and sense of self-worth. The abusive behavior can often be attributed to the abuser’s childhood, where he may have been abused and didn’t know how to deal with the resulting distress and anguish. As a result, these people are inadequate at having positive and healthy relationships. They feel hurt, angry, and are sometimes incapable of feeling empathy or controlling their emotions. Instead, they project and try to control those emotions by being emotionally abusive (1). If you are in an abusive relationship, there’s nothing wrong with you. The abuser is angry with himself and takes that out on you. In certain cases, emotional abuse is accompanied by physical abuse. Unlike in physical abuse, where the scars are visible, emotional abuse has no scars to see but only a deep mental impact. So, how would you know that you are in an EAR?
Signs Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
“Broken bones heal faster than broken spirits.” Emotional abuse is subtle and deceptive. The people involved might not even be aware that they are in an EAR. The following signs can, however, be your wake-up call to take charge.
Here is how an emotionally abusive partner could behave with you (2):
If You Are The One Who Is Being Abused, Then
You are anxious and nervous in front of them.
You feel trapped and helpless forever in your relationship.
You want to remain silent even when you are angry just because you don’t want to antagonize your partner.
You are afraid to tell even trivial things such as your phone repair or a bill payment because you don’t know how they would react.
You feel you have to take their permission to go out or do anything.
You feel ashamed or guilty most of the time. Image: Shutterstock
You tend to isolate yourself from others because you don’t want to feel ashamed when the abuser criticizes you.
You blame yourself for the abusive behavior.
You justify their behavior irrespective of the situation.
You walk on eggshells. This means that they play it safe and do not offend their partner and avoid confrontation. In other words, they encourage the abuse subtly.
If you see any of these signs in your relationship, you must accept that it’s happening to you. Remember that the stress of emotional abuse can manifest into anxiety, depression, and emotional trauma. Let’s see the effects of emotional abuse.
Effects Of Emotional Abuse
“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” – Aisha Mirza That simply sums up the impact of emotional abuse. It can be as severe as physical abuse and sometimes even greater. The emotional trauma can leave scars on your mind that can affect the rest of your life. Sometimes victims blame themselves and try to underplay the abuse by thinking, “at least he didn’t abuse me physically”. But, that doesn’t reduce the adverse effects. Let’s see the short-term effects it has on the victim (3).
They always feel anxious and nervous.
They feel powerless, out of control, manipulated, and forever trapped.
They become overly passive, compliant, or aggressive.
They avoid eye contact.
They are afraid to talk about the abuse to anybody.
When the emotionally abusive relationship continues for a long time, the effects are permanent and dangerous. They go to the extent of believing all the negative things that an abuser says about them. The long-term effects of emotional abuse include:
They have low self-esteem and self-worth.
They develop learned helplessness.
They become emotionally unstable, and blame themselves. They believe that their spouse became abusive because of them.
They have sleep-related problems. Image: Shutterstock
They tend to withdraw from people, and isolate themselves because they don’t want to feel ashamed or be embarrassed in front of everyone.
The emotional stress manifests in the form of physical pain.
They have suicidal thoughts.
They develop an unhealthy dependence on the abuser.
They are unable to trust people anymore.
There’s no reason why you should stay in such an unhealthy relationship when the negatives outweigh the positives. But, the victims still cling on to their partner.
Why Do People Stay In Emotionally Abusive Relationships
To an outsider, it may seem easy to suggest ways, but people who are in an EAR know how difficult it is to call it quits (4): Taking help from friends and family can reduce the emotional burden of the victim. There are many other ways to deal with EARs.
Ways To Deal With Emotionally Abusive Relationships
If the abuser isn’t willing to change and you are not able to walk out of the relationship, then here’s what you can do to deal with an EAR. The key to resuming your dignity and self-esteem is to analyze the reasons for staying in an EAR. Identify them and find ways to leave or quit an EAR. Here’s how you can get out of it.
How To Get Out Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Life is too short to be wasted on someone who doesn’t respect you, disregards your needs, and makes you feel worthless constantly. You are the only person who can decide whether it’s worth staying in the relationship or not. And, if you want to get out of an EAR, here’s how you can do it (5):
